The very First One

I decided I am addicted to the first time… The first one who stole my heart… I guess I never really got it back. Does he even know how much power he posses over me? To see his face sends an electric shock through my blood as if I tingle like a little kid in a candy store. A sense of comfort and excitement bottled into one is how I would describe it. Will it ever really work? I contemplate this because we have been after this for at least 15 years. This sounds ridiculous and crazy, but is it quite possible he is the one I am longing to live with rather than someone I would be trying to live with? I think I have lost my mind when I think of the possibilities of us. It will never work yet he is so quick to say the words that make everything seem to fall into place. He has changed in a way I never thought possible… he has grown into someone I do not recognize, yet I have known him the majority of my life. He is an adult. He grew up somewhere between the drama and stress of his past. He has changed slightly in ways that are drastic to me. I think too much and analyze everything. Maybe that is my problem… and I need to be more relaxed and carefree to go with the flow of this new found moment.