My decision...

I think this trip was a blessing for my relationship. I made a decision and I am happy with that decision. It breaks my heart that I would choose someone over someone I have know the majority of my life, but that isn't fair that I have to choose. My best friend brought this upon himself when he decided to not keep in touch for the 2 years that his marriage lasted. Now that his marriage is dissolving he thinks he can just come back into my life and I am suppose to drop everything for him.

I should be angry at him for not calling me for the last 2 years, or that he thinks that he is so important that I will drop everything. I am not mad at him because he is that friend that has been there always. Our relationship is different that most, but I this time I will not let this one destroy what I have. He is making me choose between having him as a friend and the one I am in love with and that is selfish.

I decided to tell my boyfriend what is going on with the tough decision that I struggle with. I told him I decided to no longer see my best friend, hang out with him, or call him. I told him that it breaks my heart that he is making me choose between him and my boyfriend, but he wants more than I can give. My boyfriend was glad to hear what I was going through. I explained that I do not want to put myself in a situation where it could potentially destroy our relationship. He agreed that I don't hang out with him for awhile. I hope in this time that he finds what he is looking for, a friend, a love, a relationship, strength, whatever he needs. Maybe we will never be friends again... I mean we were never really the just friends, we were always closer than that on a different level with the possibility of something. even though something never really happened, there is always that possibility and I do not want it now.

For the last 2 years that he hasn't called I found someone who I want to be my best friend, and now that he needs a friend, a crutch, a distraction from his drama, I just can no longer be that person.

Finally, I am comfortable in my decision even though it breaks my heart. I do not want to loose him, but if he really is my best friend he will understand. He made that decision when he decided 2 years ago to shut me out for someone else. Unfortunately it comes to this, but I have to do what is best for me and my relationship, and I choose my relationship.