Unable to sleep I stalk this sight late at night. Knowing the the early morning hours will be present soon, and the responsibilities of tomorrow will soon arrive I sit unable to sleep. Lately I have been in a million places at one time, unable to relax.
I was never that person who would lay on the bed unable to sleep. Today, I am that person who lays on the bed for moments waiting as her mind to stop spinning. Unable to stop the chatter as I sit the thoughts clutter my nights, I contemplated a book.
I have so many ideas and so many things I want to do. What I wouldn't give for one passionate hobby, instead of a million pieces of something. I sat watching the final moments of the Idol show, where strangers poured their emotions out for a camera. Passion filled their hearts as they wanted something so bad it resulted in tears when it did not happen they way they had hoped. I watched speechless, for I did not understand the tears. Nothing in my life have I been that passionate about that it would result in tears. Absolutely nothing... I contemplate what energy I have consumed previously and what I may have loved so much that without it could have appeared as the end of the world if it did not happen. The only thing that comes to mind is him, not a hobby or a talent, but the death of him. The only time in my life when I thought tomorrow would never come. The only time in my life when nothing else mattered but yesterday. It is not the same so I may never fully understand, but the disappointment perhaps that I can grasp.
Still what I wouldn't give to become that passionate about something... Maybe it is inside of me just waiting to escape, and I have yet to find the one thing that will set it free... until then I will continue to love an angel and live in a world I do not understand.
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