Unspoken words brought to life

I have been distant from my words, mostly because I am afraid of what I might admit. I contemplate why one person can be so simple, and with a few drinks be so different. Are they admitting things they hide deep within, or are these things that are misunderstood due to the effect of alcohol? Loud and funny my friend has always been, but brutally honest lingered within the jokes of his words. After sushi the other night on a random meeting he spoke words I had never thought I would hear sticking me in an awkward position. Will he remember these words spoken tomorrow when he wakes from a sever headache and spinning room, or will he brush it off as if it was a drunken moment?

I love my boyfriend. My boyfriend is forever, yet my best friend is telling me words that only my boyfriend should speak. Does this not ruin our friendship? He makes me contemplate if guys and girls can be friends, or if certain guys and girl should not be friends. I love him, and have loved him since I was 12 years old. Does this not effect my behavior or opinion of him? How much does history play into emotions or the past create the future? With two children and a so-called-ex-wife I tell him not speak that way.

How or why would someone marry someone who they do not love? Did he not believe it would be forever? Words I asked when alone in his presence, as he quietly commented, "no she was more of a mother figure for my son." She called while at work one day and told him they were going to get married that weekend. At the court house he borrowed his mother's wedding ring for one was never purchased. Why would I find comfort in knowing such a thing? I contemplate myself and my own life wondering if we too have lost our chemistry and are moving forward in our relationship out of habit. That is what people do, and therefore that is what we do? Is it pre-marital jitters or simply doubt. Is it something that I want to discover? I listen to his words upon divorce contemplating if that could be me in 5 years. His fate is not our fate, yet he describes us so well simply by talking about his own divorce which frightens me, or perhaps brings me closer to him.