My GIRL moment...

A P test? What? I called my doctor to see if I could get a refill on an old prescription of the BC pill. I have never encountered a monthly moment until now. I am suddenly suffering from womanly moments and it needs to stop. I was told to consult the BC pill to curb the bodily pain. In order to refill a lapsed prescription I have to take a pregnancy test to confirm it is negative before I will be given the prescription.

I choked on nothingness. I fiercely tried to recall if there could even be the slightest possibility and choked on the notion that it was a good idea. It happens to some, but why would I ever put myself in such a position. I am horrified at the thought that there could potentially be a possibility. More like I am in a straight panic because that is not something I want nor am able to handle during this period of my life.

I am in a piece of transition right now and am freaking out as to what tomorrow may bring rather than 9 months from now. I am in the middle of a decision, and I am a very indecisive person. I was in a relationship for 3 years. I decided after making an effort on things that began to drive me crazy to try to explain this to my significant other. He took it as it is over, being the stubborn individual he is, he walked out. I then felt a sense of freedom, as if I had been hiding who I really am to fit into someone else’s world. I am ghetto at heart. I crave excitement and adventure. I live for the underdog, and love meeting new people. The boyfriend was the complete opposite. So how did we make it work for so long? Yuppie and conservative, sincere and sweet, my inner-self has been subsided long enough. If it was my decision I would be covered in INK, yet he hates tattoos. The only thing holding me back is this professional career that would never last if I was completely covered in INK.

I have been hiding deep within perhaps in fear of loss. I lost the one person I really connected with, and I thought that was a once in a life-time deal. I guess maybe this is a good thing. I mean who knows they met the one when they are 10 years old. I had nothing to compare him to. Rarely does it ever last that long, unless you can be friends through everything. Now that we are older and know what we do not like, it somehow always comes back to that first kiss, that first moment, and he is always the person standing behind that thought. I guess now I realize how amazing he was or is and I just didn’t know because I had nothing to compare him to. Sad that it had to happen this way, but then again if it didn’t I may have never met Griff and that is something I could never live without.

I looked into his eyes. Even though he isn’t the super skinny boy I once knew he is the same person and it is his eyes that tell me so. I never believed in such talk, yet when I am with him everything seems perfect. I never want to leave, and that is how it should be. Unfortunately, when with the boyfriend I was always preoccupied and never really into him like that. I look back and even though I am mad because he doesn’t act a certain way after 3 years I really have to stop and consider, well did he EVER act that way. Were we ever that RAWR? I mean it is one thing to LOSE the spark, but it is something entirely different if we were never RAWR to begin with…? That is something that I think most people do not consider when they miss someone or want things to change. I cannot change him nor make myself spark with him, it just happens and not sure why it happens so easily with the friend but it works.