My breaking point

When no one is around, who do I crave most? If I was to leave for a moment, who would I think about first?

I contemplate if there is not such thing as a perfect mate let alone a perfect relationship. It takes two to work at something perfect. I may not magically fit into the life of another, but if he is worth it I will work to make my mark. I just contemplate as to whether I want to change my mind.

Either way I know there was obviously something that was not right, yet how do we fix it to make it right? Is there a moment that passes and it is too late to fix what once was. It will never be the SAME, but obviously the SAME is why I left to begin with. It will either be better or worse. Is he worth it to find out for better or worse? Somethings you can change or fix and other things will never change. A word of advice from an elder suggests that the habits I dislike now will only intensify once we are married. They will magnify by hundreds over years of time. I have to decide if these things bother me so much that I will not be able to live with them for a really long time. I wonder if habits can be changed without changing the person.

A messy person can become a clean person? A smelly person can become a fragrant person? A lazy person can become more active? A quiet boyfriend can become a romantic? I wonder when it will become too much. I listen to the best friend complain about the x-wife and how he never wanted to get married to start with. Doomed from the beginning? As she changed his life he sat and allowed it all, at what point was it the final straw? When is your breaking point?

I don't know my breaking point? I guess somewhere between best friend and lack of energy. Have I changed so much that I require more than previously? Did he regress rather than progress forward? Perhaps our fire has burnt out, why then has the spark of the best friend lasted so long?